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2004-04-24 - 3:29 p.m.

How to Upgrade Your White Trash Status

I would like to consider myself good old standard middle-middle-class. We have a cute little house walking distance to the beach in a nice little town that ranges from trailers (mostly hidden away in the woods) to waterfront mansions.

Pretty from the outside.

I cannot, however, consider myself a part of that class when I have a used dishwasher on my front porch (for 2 years now, I think), a junk lawn mower, a junk tractor, a junk gas grill, a junk Subaru wagon, and a junk sports car (not actually mine), all of which are in my driveway alongside my standard soccer-mom mini-van and Jeep Liberty. So, I think I would be classified as white trash living in a cute little beach area cottage. (Oh, did I forget to mention the "garage" which is actually a car sized shed that is filled to capacity with the usual things such as the summer stuff in winter and winter stuff in summer along with old car seats, old ultrasonic cleaning tanks and solvent, old aquariums, old furniture, and trash and recycling nearly to the ceiling. You can see it all through the windows. It's nice. Our basement looks much like the "garage" but you can't really see it from outside because there's a piece of pink insulation in the window.)

So, back to my subject line: the way I am upgrading my white trash status is by buying two more appliances for the front porch. But, here comes the key part, they are BRAND NEW STAINLESS STEEL appliances. So now I MUST be at least upper-white trash, wouldn't you think?

"We don't mind the porch, but we'd like it better if our cool friends could join us and the USED appliances would get lost."

"We want to join the porch crew!"

*an update to this entry:

We gave away the dishwasher (the snobby new appliances are thrilled!), gas grill, and lawnmower. We (meaning Phil and our friend Craig) fixed the tractor, which has been quite useful with all the moving of things that we've had to do. I've tried donating the subaru to several charities but they won't come "all the way" to Maine to get it, so we've asked the builder if he knows anyone who wants it. If that doesn't work, I have one more charity to try. No update yet on the other car.

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